Monday, January 9, 2017

Thursday, January 5, 2017


Boundaries will LITERALLY save your life!

"Boundaries are not selfish. They aren’t overindulgent or evidence that you’re too sensitive, and they aren’t weakness. Boundaries are conditions that allow you to take care of yourself; conditions that give you the means to survive and keep from sinking. They’re circumstances that honor your needs and respect your feelings. Limits that YOU get to decide on; limits that are inherently valid, regardless of how they compare to anyone else’s.

You deserve to create a space for yourself that feels safe and supportive. You deserve to exist under terms that don’t harm you; terms that allow your best self to come through. Even if other people don’t understand; even if it makes them feel angry or rejected or sad — your boundaries are necessary and they matter. Their needs matter too, and it’s not wrong to want to make shifts to accommodate both — but the truth is that you can’t take care of anyone else if your own needs aren’t being met. You don’t have to explain your boundaries. You don’t have to justify them, and you don’t need anyone’s approval. You need to believe that you’re someone worth taking care of, and you need to trust that if anyone is entitled to your protection and care, it’s you."
— Daniell Koepke (Internal Acceptance Movement) 

Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Year's Manifesto

Mulderfan is still here, still having the occasional "relapse" (contact)
still getting crapped on every fucking time!
  • I am allowed to be vocal about my pain if it helps me heal
  • I am allowed to be sad in places other than my own head
  • I am allowed to express my anger/sadness/hurt, whether that is in writing or speaking to friends
  • I am allowed to speak my truth even when it makes others uncomfortable
  • I am allowed to take care of myself, even if it makes people who hurt me uncomfortable
  • I am allowed to create my own rules for self-care
Found here: Internal Acceptance Movement

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Another Great Quote

Another great quote found on Internal Acceptance Movement

People do not have to be toxic to everyone to be toxic to you.
Your experiences are not validated or erased depending on how your abuser treats other people.
“nice” people can still be abusive.
In fact, many of them are only abusive to ONE person, which makes it easier because they’re “a great person” to everyone else and no one believes the victim.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Three Amigos!

Had one of my now annual "Three Amigos" jaunts with my two beloved "double" cousins. Yes, Mulderfan is blessed with a sane branch of her family! So much joy and laughter awaits us when we finally set ourselves free to share our time and affection with those who truly deserve it.

"You don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an exception.

Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."
— Daniell Koepke