Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Another Great Quote

Another great quote found on Internal Acceptance Movement

People do not have to be toxic to everyone to be toxic to you.
Your experiences are not validated or erased depending on how your abuser treats other people.
“nice” people can still be abusive.
In fact, many of them are only abusive to ONE person, which makes it easier because they’re “a great person” to everyone else and no one believes the victim.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Three Amigos!

Had one of my now annual "Three Amigos" jaunts with my two beloved "double" cousins. Yes, Mulderfan is blessed with a sane branch of her family! So much joy and laughter awaits us when we finally set ourselves free to share our time and affection with those who truly deserve it.

"You don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an exception.

Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."
— Daniell Koepke

Thursday, July 14, 2016


My daughter is getting married next month. Simple ceremony at City Hall, with me and a few close friends attending. Last night, she and her BF headed out to shop for her dress and while they were gone I had one of those flashbacks we ACoNs often have, that make us give our heads a shake and wonder why we couldn't see what was right in front of our faces.

This made me remember that, for as long as I can remember, I had expected to wear my mother's ivory wedding dress but, since I was living with my future husband, which made me "used goods", mother refused to let me wear it. She softened the blow by "generously" offering to buy me another dress. Not the dress I wanted, the dress SHE wanted, so she bought me a knee-length lavender dress. I ACTUALLY thought it was a nice gesture then, on MY big day, my mother showed up wearing WHITE!

Wednesday, July 13, 2016