Tuesday, January 23, 2018


It's with great sadness that I share the news that Q has passed away.

Might seem strange but, even though I never actually met Q, heard his voice or saw his picture, he was in many ways the greatest friend I've ever had. More like a brother than a friend, his daily emails, inappropriate memes, and constant stream of funny YouTube videos kept me going in my darkest hours, including a lengthy and near fatal illness.

Those who followed Q's blog will know that he was haunted by many demons but never lost his sharp wit or crazy sense of humour. I console myself with the knowledge that he is finally and peace and free of pain.

As a Buddhist, I believe the removal of one being from the universe would upset its delicate balance causing chaos in the cosmos. For this reason, no soul is ever truly lost but moves on to exist in another dimension and Q will always live on in the hearts of those who knew and loved him.

Q's sister, will be checking this post now and then. Please feel free to share a memory or funny story about her beloved brother.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

And now, the end is near...

The malignant narcissist who, throughout his life, has routinely raged against people and events he can't control, is finally faced with
the one thing he can't bully into submission...DEATH.

He rages against betrayal by his own body and the mask of charm and civility, usually reserved for "outsiders", rots away as he verbally abuses the professionals who are there to make his final days more comfortable. Some are reduced to tears by how unpredictable and nasty the "charming old man" they used to know has become.

I've always been fortunate enough to have my truth validated by my true family and close friends, but nothing quite beats the validation of objective professionals.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Thursday, January 5, 2017


Boundaries will LITERALLY save your life!

"Boundaries are not selfish. They aren’t overindulgent or evidence that you’re too sensitive, and they aren’t weakness. Boundaries are conditions that allow you to take care of yourself; conditions that give you the means to survive and keep from sinking. They’re circumstances that honor your needs and respect your feelings. Limits that YOU get to decide on; limits that are inherently valid, regardless of how they compare to anyone else’s.

You deserve to create a space for yourself that feels safe and supportive. You deserve to exist under terms that don’t harm you; terms that allow your best self to come through. Even if other people don’t understand; even if it makes them feel angry or rejected or sad — your boundaries are necessary and they matter. Their needs matter too, and it’s not wrong to want to make shifts to accommodate both — but the truth is that you can’t take care of anyone else if your own needs aren’t being met. You don’t have to explain your boundaries. You don’t have to justify them, and you don’t need anyone’s approval. You need to believe that you’re someone worth taking care of, and you need to trust that if anyone is entitled to your protection and care, it’s you."
— Daniell Koepke (Internal Acceptance Movement) 

Saturday, December 31, 2016

New Year's Manifesto

Mulderfan is still here, still having the occasional "relapse" (contact)
still getting crapped on every fucking time!
  • I am allowed to be vocal about my pain if it helps me heal
  • I am allowed to be sad in places other than my own head
  • I am allowed to express my anger/sadness/hurt, whether that is in writing or speaking to friends
  • I am allowed to speak my truth even when it makes others uncomfortable
  • I am allowed to take care of myself, even if it makes people who hurt me uncomfortable
  • I am allowed to create my own rules for self-care
Found here: Internal Acceptance Movement

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Another Great Quote

Another great quote found on Internal Acceptance Movement

People do not have to be toxic to everyone to be toxic to you.
Your experiences are not validated or erased depending on how your abuser treats other people.
“nice” people can still be abusive.
In fact, many of them are only abusive to ONE person, which makes it easier because they’re “a great person” to everyone else and no one believes the victim.