Had one of my now annual "Three Amigos" jaunts with my two beloved "double" cousins. Yes, Mulderfan is blessed with a sane branch of her family! So much joy and laughter awaits us when we finally set ourselves free to share our time and affection with those who truly deserve it.
"You
don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you
poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that
love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin
and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you
feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself
in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your
responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and
mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your
feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their
behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an
exception.
Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you
doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form
of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable
for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s
about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from
certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you
have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice
yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to
apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."
— Daniell
Koepke
