FINALLY FREE

I lost my malignant narcissist father a few weeks weeks ago. He was in his late 90s and, as a senior citizen myself, I have always assumed he'd outlive me as the years of emotional abuse have taken their toll on my mental and physical well being. It fell to me to oversee my abuser's care during his final agonizing days. I seldom visited but made sure he had the finest care.
At the end, as I waited for the funeral home to pick him up, I sat and talked to his dead body: "What was between us, the good and the bad, is now gone and I choose to let it go and give you my forgiveness." In that moment, I was free and finally at peace. I honestly hoped that he was at peace too.
Being solely in charge of writing his obit, it crossed my mind to let the whole world know who he really was but I saw no purpose in writing one of those tell all obits and chose to rise above it.
IMO Sinking to the level of your abuser will not set you free, it will keep you trapped in the never ending cycle of the dysfunction you've lived with your entire life.
The story doesn't end there. Later, when I cleaned out my father's apartment, I found a letter on his desk that began: "This will most likely be the last letter I write to my beautiful and loving daughter"...then he went on to write everything I'd ever dreamed of hearing him say to me. I thought my heart would break. Why, oh, why couldn't he have said these beautiful things to me in person?
The answer is really quite simple:
For those of you who, like me, grew up thinking you were unlovable, remember, you ARE lovable, your parents were simply incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

IN MEMORY OF MY BELOVED BLOGGER FRIEND "Q"

It's with great sadness that I share the news that Q has passed away.

Might seem strange but, even though I never actually met Q, heard his voice or saw his picture, he was in many ways the greatest friend I've ever had. More like a brother than a friend, his daily emails, inappropriate memes, and constant stream of funny YouTube videos kept me going in my darkest hours, including a lengthy and near fatal illness.

Those who followed Q's blog will know that he was haunted by many demons but never lost his sharp wit or crazy sense of humour. I console myself with the knowledge that he is finally and peace and free of pain.


As a Buddhist, I believe the removal of one being from the universe would upset its delicate balance causing chaos in the cosmos. For this reason, no soul is ever truly lost but moves on to exist in another dimension and Q will always live on in the hearts of those who knew and loved him.

Q's sister, will be checking this post now and then. Please feel free to share a memory or funny story about her beloved brother.