Most ACoNs play roles that were scripted for them from the moment they were born. Time to shake off years of conditioning and say, "Fuck 'em" by making yourself the star of your own script!
I tell myself now, Its time to do WHAT I WANT. Which may sound selfish and narcissist, but then I think about all the bending backwards I did to try and get those people to "accept me" or notice I was alive and it was all wasted time.
Peep, setting boundaries and being your authentic self are not the traits of a narc. I've been reading you for a long time and you don't have a selfish bone in your body.
I was put into roles. The role would change at the drop of a hat, it was no place for a child to be in, and yeah, I'm kinda obnoxious these days, do what I want.
Enough about me, what about you? What do you think about me? The devil made me say that. I came back for a reason tho. You just can't get a head of or on top of their crazy. I HAD to go no contact or I would have followed my father's way out. But then you can't keep an eye on them. So you can't win either way. You can succumb to the toxic fumes or you can get the hell out which leaves them to their very capable hands of destruction. Cuz you aren't going to win. I just answered my own question. I could be a live chicken or a dead duck. So I picked life.
How about when WE go NC only to find THEY can't live without US? Is it because they're crazy about us or because they won't be satisfied until they hound us to death? At least they can't drive us crazy unless we hand 'em our keys. FUCK 'EM!
I know that's one of the things that never added up. If we are beneath their contempt we should be able to go on our merry way. But I think that denies them their favorite target. And a target they know so well. They know where all our buttons are and if they have to groom a new target it's a waste of all the time they spent grooming us. With my mommers I just have to give up on figuring her out and settle for her being insane. If I couldn't make sense of her alive I know I can't when she is dead.
Yeah it never added up for me either. You hate me so much why not just let me go my merry way? Even the creepy side narcs I told off sending invitations and Christmas cards is just more of the fakery. I figure they are all insane. I'm done trying to figure the creep show out.
I tell myself now, Its time to do WHAT I WANT. Which may sound selfish and narcissist, but then I think about all the bending backwards I did to try and get those people to "accept me" or notice I was alive and it was all wasted time.
ReplyDeletePeep, setting boundaries and being your authentic self are not the traits of a narc. I've been reading you for a long time and you don't have a selfish bone in your body.
DeleteThanks Mulderfan, that is sweet of you! :)
DeleteI agree with MF, Peep you don't have a selfish bone in your body.
DeleteThanks Joan....:)
Deletesame for both of you too!
DeleteI was put into roles. The role would change at the drop of a hat, it was no place for a child to be in, and yeah, I'm kinda obnoxious these days, do what I want.
ReplyDeleteJoan, I was the family caretaker/doormat from the moment I was born. In a broad sense, I'm betting your role has never changed either.
DeleteOrdinarily I would agree, but look at what happened to me. They'll still find a way to fuck you by hook or by crook.
ReplyDeleteQ, Barb made sure your ex got to steal your money but she never managed to stop you from being you...one hell of a great guy!
DeleteHA! I resemble that remark!
ReplyDeleteEnough about me, what about you? What do you think about me? The devil made me say that. I came back for a reason tho. You just can't get a head of or on top of their crazy. I HAD to go no contact or I would have followed my father's way out. But then you can't keep an eye on them. So you can't win either way. You can succumb to the toxic fumes or you can get the hell out which leaves them to their very capable hands of destruction. Cuz you aren't going to win. I just answered my own question. I could be a live chicken or a dead duck. So I picked life.
ReplyDeleteHow about when WE go NC only to find THEY can't live without US? Is it because they're crazy about us or because they won't be satisfied until they hound us to death?
DeleteAt least they can't drive us crazy unless we hand 'em our keys. FUCK 'EM!
I know that's one of the things that never added up. If we are beneath their contempt we should be able to go on our merry way. But I think that denies them their favorite target. And a target they know so well. They know where all our buttons are and if they have to groom a new target it's a waste of all the time they spent grooming us. With my mommers I just have to give up on figuring her out and settle for her being insane. If I couldn't make sense of her alive I know I can't when she is dead.
ReplyDeleteYeah it never added up for me either. You hate me so much why not just let me go my merry way? Even the creepy side narcs I told off sending invitations and Christmas cards is just more of the fakery. I figure they are all insane. I'm done trying to figure the creep show out.
Delete