Saturday, August 6, 2016

Three Amigos!

Had one of my now annual "Three Amigos" jaunts with my two beloved "double" cousins. Yes, Mulderfan is blessed with a sane branch of her family! So much joy and laughter awaits us when we finally set ourselves free to share our time and affection with those who truly deserve it.

"You don’t owe your family affection if they are being abusive and treating you poorly. I know that it’s so difficult not to feel guilty for holding back that love. I know that there are people who will tell you that you should just grin and bear it because they’re family. People who will shame you for the way you feel. People who will try to convince you that wanting to take care of yourself in this way is selfish and unjustified. But the truth is that it’s not your responsibility to be kind or loving to people who have consistently hurt and mistreated you – especially when these people continue to disregard your feelings, ignore your boundaries, and refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Just because the person hurting you is family doesn’t make them an exception.

Choosing not to be affectionate with family who have abused or mistreated you doesn’t make you a bad person. It isn’t selfish or disrespectful. It’s a form of self-care. It’s about you honoring your feelings and holding people accountable for their abuse. It’s about you standing up for yourself and your needs. It’s about you making your mental health a priority. So if getting distance from certain family members is what you need right now, or permanently, then you have every right to withhold your love and leave. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for the sake of maintaining a relationship. And you don’t ever have to apologize for creating a safer space for yourself."
— Daniell Koepke


  1. Withdrawing in disgust is not the same thing as apathy.

  2. Love this. I didn't realize I needed a reminder.

  3. That's great. I dream of having good family members. Seems like those that are on the border still won't tolerate any feeling. We have been programmed not to, its sad. I think lots have been lost to me. My family members who are non abusive are usually residents of a mental facility, and they are difficult to get ahold of. One cousin I lost touch with, I used to see him walking the streets, is gone. Not even the police will tell me where he is. If anyone is trying to call the police to locate a family member they won't tell.

    But I found this one "dreg of society" this week. I was going to the doctor's office, and this fella stopped me and told me this interesting story of his life, and how he met this old native woman he was best friends with, till her death, and proceeded to tell me her story. I got caught up in what he was saying, and I didn't even notice that he was a street person, who probably didn't have a bath, and I asked him to write it down, gave him a paper an pen, and told him I would be right back after my appointment. Afterwards we talked some more. He was the type who was well aware of boundaries, respected my time, and I wish I could talk some more to him.

  4. Funny how chance meetings with random strangers can teach us so much, maybe your paths were meant to pass, who knows...x