Don't let anyone dictate how or when you achieve your own unique version of DONE!
—"You may feel like you’re failing at recovery because you’ve been struggling for so long — but you’re not. Recovery isn’t a straight road. It isn’t something that happens over the course of a few days or months, or even a few years. It’s a path lined with ups and downs and road blocks and dead ends. It’s difficult and painful and exhausting. And it takes time. It takes time to unlearn the negative beliefs you’ve internalized. And it takes time to learn how to exist without using the behaviors you’ve depended on your whole life to survive. So if you’re feeling stuck right now, know that this is a part of your process. Know that it’s normal and not anything you need to be ashamed of. The fact that you’re still struggling doesn’t mean you’re going to be battling this forever. It just means that you have some more work to do. And that’s okay. You aren’t broken or hopeless. You’re wounded, but you can heal. You are healing, right now. Trust that you will get to where you need to be when it’s time. You’re doing the best you can to cope and make it through each day, and it’s enough. No matter where you’re at in your recovery, you’re enough." ~Daniell Koepke Internal Acceptance Movement
I spend more time than I should thinking about how much better my life would be if me or my mother or both had died during childbirth. Which leads me to the how can one person do so much damage to one family dilemma. It's astonishing how much grief one well placed Narcissist can inflict on others.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm enough. I just watched a dazzling display of dragonflies outside the window this morning, every single one of them as necessary as the others to create the display.
ReplyDeleteSome times I feel like I'm stuck in recovery. I know to 'get it going' but I get stuck. I guess its because we learn to trust the old ways better. The old ways give us certainty that the new ways has not taught us yet. I'm used to it. So I give it time. The brain apparently can rewire itself, but I don't know if that can happen for us? But we can learn. I pray daily that it will all be easier. That I don't wake up everyday needing other people's approval, or struggle with other things, I want to wake up feeling like I'm doing this. Yes, even when we are stuck to realize that it is part of the process.
Thank you, this really made my day. I've been NC for 8 years, and am prone to beating myself up, "it's been so long and you're still dealing with it". While I am basically "over" having anything more to do with the FOO, I'm still suffering the long-term consequences of their past abuses. Just in the past few weeks, I've been conned by a sociopath car mechanic stealing my money. I think I've been handling this one better than in the past, even if I still fell for it. Work in progress, probably for life. I'm telling myself what's important is to learn and not make the same mistakes again.
ReplyDeleteSome times I feel like concrete that had a bunch of kids write their initials in and no matter how much time go's by they will always be there.
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