Enabling Mother

Enabling mother (EM) is the last of the key players in my Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO) and this is by far the hardest post for me to write. I still have memories, from early childhood, of a sweet and loving mother. Somewhere along the way that all gradually changed until, perhaps for self-preservation, she morphed into an enabler who would sit silently while NF delivered verbal and sometimes physical abuse to her children. Afterwards, she would berate us for "upsetting" our father. How I longed for her to, JUST ONCE, admit that HE was wrong!

In retrospect, I realize she was also narcissistic in her own right. Unlike NF, she was a quiet manipulator who left me feeling guilty and initiated the "call backs" that sucked me into my old role as family caretaker/doormat. I can never forget, that she's also the one, who when I called to say my husband had died said, "Good. Now you can see us more often."

After almost three years of very limited contact, imagine my shock when I recently discovered that EM was now the target of NF's bullying tactics. I'm ashamed to admit that I assumed HER role and stayed quiet, with thoughts like, "Karma's a bitch." and "It's your turn." running through my shell-shocked mind.

Back home I was hit with an epic anxiety attack. It was triggered in part by witnessing the kind of emotional abuse I was subjected to as a child, but mostly by the realization that I was capable of  staying silent. That's when I became determined use my caretaker skills to do for my dying mother what she had never done for me; get her to a safe place.

My credo: "Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate.

Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."~Iain Thomas