The Ultimate Punishment!

Even though we’ve struggled with the idea of maintaining absolutely no contact, many of us have found out the hard way that leaving the door open even by a sliver is an invitation for our abusers to hoover us back down the rabbit hole into their version of Crazyland. Strict no contact robs them of a chance to manipulate us and is the essential step required to protect ourselves from further abuse.

No contact is the ultimate punishment we can inflict on narcissists, which is one of the reasons they simply cannot let us go! Ignoring narcissists robs them of the chance to devalue and demean us which they desperately need to do in order to maintain THEIR exaggerated sense of worth.

Narcissists' panicked reactions to our sudden indifference will dispel all doubts about the value of no contact for; they will be unable to function without the unhealthy dynamic they've created with us. They label their victims as inferior, while behind the scenes they simply can’t live without our “presence” in THEIR miserable lives, even if that presence is maintained by visiting a blog almost daily, drawing a child-like caricature, repeatedly calling a blocked number or sending an email stupidly admitting their misdeeds.

How empowering for us that, many narcissists, when trying to prove that we are unimportant to them, do just the opposite by revealing how much space we occupy “rent free” in THEIR heads instead of the other way around!

An extended period of no contact eventually turns the tables by making narcissists realize that we find them irrelevant, dispensable and somewhat pathetic. Their punishment is complete when they realize their favourite doormat has simply gotten up off the floor and walked away. (Fortunately for them, new doormats are quite reasonably priced at Walmart.)

FUCK 'EM!

 

Enabling Mother

Enabling mother (EM) is the last of the key players in my Narcissistic Family of Origin (NFOO) and this is by far the hardest post for me to write. I still have memories, from early childhood, of a sweet and loving mother. Somewhere along the way that all gradually changed until, perhaps for self-preservation, she morphed into an enabler who would sit silently while NF delivered verbal and sometimes physical abuse to her children. Afterwards, she would berate us for "upsetting" our father. How I longed for her to, JUST ONCE, admit that HE was wrong!

In retrospect, I realize she was also narcissistic in her own right. Unlike NF, she was a quiet manipulator who left me feeling guilty and initiated the "call backs" that sucked me into my old role as family caretaker/doormat. I can never forget, that she's also the one, who when I called to say my husband had died said, "Good. Now you can see us more often."

After almost three years of very limited contact, imagine my shock when I recently discovered that EM was now the target of NF's bullying tactics. I'm ashamed to admit that I assumed HER role and stayed quiet, with thoughts like, "Karma's a bitch." and "It's your turn." running through my shell-shocked mind.

Back home I was hit with an epic anxiety attack. It was triggered in part by witnessing the kind of emotional abuse I was subjected to as a child, but mostly by the realization that I was capable of  staying silent. That's when I became determined use my caretaker skills to do for my dying mother what she had never done for me; get her to a safe place.

My credo: "Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate.

Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."~Iain Thomas